I completely understand how you’re feeling. My grades are so abysmal I want to cry. And my parents spend so much time telling me how bad they are.
So that sucks.
But I guess the only thing you can do is ride it out and kick ass next marking period.
Look at it this way: you’ll get in somewhere. And it may not be your number one college, but you’ll get to leave Methacton and go to a brand new place, no matter where that happens to be.
And dreams of para-para-paradise (California Day 2)
So haaaay. I’m going to update you on what’s happening in SoCal while you’re in Meth(acton) because a) I needed to journal about this anyway, b) you can live vicariously through my adventures, and c) I need to distract myself from the severe separation anxiety and withdrawal I’m experiencing with this lack of flute playing HELP
I spent all morning watching Community and HIMYM. Literally all morning. Because my internal clock is still on East Coast time, I wake up around 6:30 because it’s 9:30 at home. So basically I spend 6 hours switching between watching stuff on my computer and reading.
What am I reading? Mindy Kaling’s book (I know I’m late) and it’s really good. Funny story about that.
So I had an ACT tutor session and my parents dropped me off at the coffee shop around the corner 2 hours early because my dad had to drop my mom and brother off at the airport so they could come to California (I had an indoor percussion competition the next day so my dad and flew out Sunday). I sat there for a while, but they closed 30 minutes before my session. So I went to the independent bookstore down the street. But I felt bad not buying anything. So I picked this book up, thinking it couldn’t possibly be more than $9, right? $14. FOURTEEN FREAKING DOLLARS FOR A 222 PAGE PAPERBACK BOOK. Well fuck.
Anywho, after that, I’m rereading Looking For Alaska and All The PRetty Horses.
I also played a lot of foosball and air hockey with the soulless brat, then we went for a kayak tour of the 7 caves.
I get really bad motion sickness, as evidenced by the whole barfing-in-the-helicopter-in-Hawai’i experience last year, and this was no exception. I thought I was dying. Fortunately, I didn’t. My mom did however capsize our kayak as we were riding in. I only got my shorts and most of my shirt wet, but it was cold as hell. Like seriously, 57 degrees. yolo.
We went out to dinner at this Greek/Armenian place, where I had amazing lamb and oh my god it was so good. Isaac and I sang Thrift Shop about 13 times on the car ride back to the room.
Okay now I’m exhausted. So I’m going to listen to Mahler and try to ignore Isaac’s snoring.
Third Marking period ends in 12 days…
and I’m basically screwed. I don’t have any A’s. Not one single A.
Math - 71%
French - 88%
What the hell. French I’m okay with, but everything else sucks. I’ve basically just been coming home and crying about it because I know there is nothing I can do at this point. I hate myself for it, because I knows it’s all my fault. I know I can bring up history, and I have a french test tomorrow that I know I can do well on. But chem? math? there’s basically no hope.
I basically feel like no matter what I do it won’t help at this point. I feel like I’m disappointing everybody. My parents aren’t happy. I was always the “smart one”. That’s all I had going for me. I’m not athletic, artistic, creative. That was all I had, and it’s gone.
I’m never going to get into the colleges I want.
Plus I have the stupid performance group show I need to do light design for. I hate that show. I hate everything about it. Rehearsal for it ruins my day, everyday. I want nothing more than to quit, but I know I can’t. I don’t even really like being tech director anymore.Everyday when I go down to the theatre it just feels like somebody is knocking me down and beating the shit out of me. Mentally, physically, emotionally. It’s too much pressure. But now that is basically all I have to sparkle up my college resume. Plus nobody else can do it but me.
I just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and there is nothing I can do but sink under the pressure. I hate high school. I just want to graduate.
Oh hay. It’s been a while. You’re currently…somewhere? (it upsets me that I don’t even know where. But you are a world traveler.) I just want to catch up I guess. I miss my best friend.
I know its all my fault, but I’ve been feeling pretty isolated lately. I don’t know. Hopefully we can have a Skype date soon? And ill start posting about my days again. I’d love to hear about your days too! Okay. I’m done for now.